have you been burned? have you flown too close 
to the Sun? have you let yourself be 
scorched by the heart
of a Flame
or felt the prickle of a thousand tiny stars

or did it merely scab over? Over
[until You picked it off] 
Again?

did it burn, or did they just
Stab you?

do you pull your hair for the thrill of it?
[When you are angry?]
the thrill— to Remember what It was like
when she pulled your braid too hard
on the playground

and you cried—
and she said she didn’t mean it,
so you let her do it again
because you thought it meant Something
to hurt together

—and you cried
because you had a reason to?
because it hurt

does it really still hurt 
or do you just wish
to Feel
[the thrill?]

when you fall
do you smile when you See
the plum bloom of
a New bruise
[but wish it cracked your bones?]

spread like ink that has not yet
seeped through the paper
the same way the Sun
flares at your porcelain 
cold Skin

do you feel like a china Doll?
that was broken and filled with 
a sickly sweet something
a cosmic Waste

and do you like when it gets 
Dark out earlier, so you can just
Stop?
and Forget that it hurt more
when she didn’t notice
than when you dug your fingers into Your Skin
[and did you wait for it to break?
or did you wait for Her 
to braid your hair 
once more?]

did it feel like the tiny stars when she
touched you 
again?
did those crimson cheeks of yours
Crack with the half-moon
of a smile
[does that hurt enough for you?]

but you do not forget
because they were not Stars
but jagged Shards under Your Flesh
so when you go to sleep,
how does it feel when you wake up
with the Birds?

do you Know why you wanted that back? 
so badly?
or why you let those stars
trick You?

have You ever slept poorly on a bad Memory
[or worse on a good one?]

does it mean something to You?
does it mean more than the desperation of a life lived
to live through Something?
i am bored. are you bored?